Lonely for my own SPIRIT!

[Eileen Dielesen]

People think that because I am an extrovert and engage easily with others, I never feel lonely. I honestly think it is a part of the human condition and it stems from a disconnect with our inner lives. If you look at the indigenous people they spend a great deal of time doing inner work in community gatherings! Do we do that in our western culture? Most of us spend a lot of time in our suburban boxes closed off from each other, which is a reflection of our lack of a rich inner life and relationship with ourselves. I remember several years ago the surprised reaction of one woman when I shared with her about my childhood and how lonely I had felt. She has assumed that because I'd grown up in a family with five siblings I would never have felt that way. She thought that loneliness had something to do with numbers of people around you. I grew up in that era where 'children were seen and not heard'. I was constantly being told to 'get outside and play' when I tried to connect to my parents and other adults. I felt very 'invisible' and so I just shut down and lost all confidence. I appeared to be very shy, but in truth I had just turned inwards away from the world because it offered me nothing. It has been a long journey reclaiming my right to be 'visible' and to build my confidence and self love. I had to learn to 'parent' myself and then the feelings of loneliness began to diminish. They have not disappeared completely and come to visit from time to time as an old story that likes to play in my mind and keep me miserable! There really is nothing in the world that can offer me a solution to the so called 'problem' of loneliness. It is an illusion to think the solution is 'out there'. It must be an entirely inner journey and as I constantly and vigilantly watch my mind and connect to my Higher Power/Source/God of my understanding, then the world seems to change 'out there'. All along I was simply lonely for my very own Spirit and I am grateful for the lessons that my parents and other adults brought, that forced me inwards to develop the only real relationship that will ever satisfy my yearning. Everything we seek for exists inside of us. Reconnect to who you are inside and you will discover the greatest peace, freedom and joy that you sought for outside of yourself.

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​~Eileen Dielesen (copyright 10/03/2017)